What's funny is that I used to think that you came into my life to save me from this horrible depression I was experiencing. The depression that had been caused by a lifetime of fucked up relationships all around me. When we met I felt stuck in a loveless relationship at 19 years old because he was the only dependable thing that I have had in my whole life. Stuck at 19? What the fuck is that? Then you came along and "opened my eyes" or some equivalent corny bullshit. No. What you did, was take my worn out, fragile heart, shatter it into a million pieces and then grind the pieces down until they were dust. And for what? The sex? It couldn't have been that good, you don't love me. And frankly, as much as I've tried to lose myself when I'm with you, I can't get that fact out of my head. It's always there, looming. My God, if you thought it was good before, imagine what it would be like if I actually trusted you. If I could actually let it all go? If I could feel something from you? I'm not one of those people that dwells on "titles" and "labels." I don't need a serious relationship to sleep with someone. If you care about me and you're attracted to me and you want express that in a physical manner, then by all means, do it...but don't just fuck me. I'm not your achievement. I'm not the pick me up at your self-pity party. I'm a person. And the others you've hurt? They're people too. Loving, caring, wonderful people and they don't deserve to be victims of your mind games and your lies. I've witnessed your lies first hand and convinced myself that I would never be subject. Now I realize what a naive concept that is. Now, I don't want to make grand assumptions. I'm not bitter or sad or angry; I'm in a very good place. I just want you to think for a minute. Think about things that you've said, things that you've done. Misleading and omitting is still deceitful. In acting, they always tell you to think about motivation...What is your motivation? At what positive outcome do you think you are going to arrive? I don't think you're a bad person and I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I've told you that I realize I have had selfish motives myself, but you've been selfish too. I don't throw around the word love. When I tell you that I love you, I mean it. I want to be there for you. I want to listen. I want to be the best friend that I possibly can be, but you have to come clean. You are so lucky. You're surrounded by kind, intelligent, amusing, talented, beautiful people that love you and care about you about you so much. You're never going to be able to please everyone, but at least show them that you appreciate what they do for you...and if you don't... get gone.
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